walking barefoot
along fifth avenue
carrying my pretty
impractical shoes

i watch exotic nannies
push towheaded toddlers
in high dollar prams

the sun seems
to shine
on certain people
while others walk
briskly
through shadows
and puddles
just trying to get
somewhere
or someplace

the sidewalk feels
like a pumice stone
under my soles

walking barefoot
beside gucci loafers
and well heeled women
i think about all the places
my feet
have taken me

i wonder
          wiggling my toes
where
they will
take me next

my courage is liquid
pour-able and wet
bravery that is fluid
makes me forget
insecurities
and hesitation
dry unease
these limitations
evaporate
with a double shot
my anxiety detonates
and I'm fearless. Somewhat.

Arduous--
attending to the
men in my life
     an available audience
          I am always
admiring my father
agreeing with my husband
     avoiding his questions
     pledging allegiance
adoring my sons
     anxiously tending to
          their allergies
     offering approval
arguing with
my admirers
it is so much
     easier
         automatic, really
to be able
     to acknowledge
          admit
     my affection
          for being alone